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Friday, April 13, 2007

A New Day Has Begun....

I am so glad for today because that means that yesterday is over. From the moment I woke up yesterday almost until the minute I went to bed was just not good. The night before last the house across the street from us burned down. Thankfully there was no one living there at the time. I really tried hard to get some photos and boy did I get some gems. I had photos of the fire, the fire dept helping out each other with their tanks, on the roof, the trucks, the smoke, them spraying the fire. I was so proud of myself for getting those photos for the paper I work for now. We didnt get to bed until about 2:30am so I thought that I would leave the photos on the card until the morning. Also, earlier that day I had run into my cousins who I only see once every couple of years as they spend most of their time away. We took some really nice photos of them as well. Imagine how upset I was yesterday morning when I turned on my camera and saw the dreaded bold red words CARD ERROR! I hoped that it was just the camera reader and put the card in the computer.....card error! My card was fried and all those amazing photos (in my opinion) were gone forever! I had to get ahold of my boss and tell him that I lost the photos, that was bad. Sean was nice enough to take my card back for me as it was only 5 months old and under warrenty. That really put in me in a bad mood at the start of the day's events.
Connor, well he was just another chapter in the story yesterday. He is going to be starting school in the fall and I am really worried about him. He just has some habits that are going to be noticed by the other kids and I fear he will be ridiculed. I know that the kids around here can be very harsh with each other, I suppose thats everywhere though. I know that I am just about fed up with his little antics myself. I am ashamed at how I reacted to his actions yesterday but I am honestly at my wit's end with what has been happening with him lately. I understand that I am not a bad mother but I am fairly new at this and sometimes I just dont have the answers. I suppose most mothers are that way at some point in their life. Do we just go on doing the best we can and hope our children are given all that they need? I know that this is never going to get any easier and that is fine with me because everday in motherhood is a new adventure but if Connor's one little antic would stop, I would be so very happy.
In the last year when I get upset I scrap it out. So yesterday I completed another layout and that helped a bit. Then last night for selfportrait of the day I decided to really let my emotions poor into my work. I manipulated my photo to show on the outside what I had been feeling all day on the inside. Some people look at my photo and tell me its emotional and that makes it beautiful. I have had other people look at it and say it is dark, depressing and creepy. I find it is all of those things and that is why I like it so much. Thats what makes art beautiful, everyone brings their own interpretation to the table. Everyone thinks and everyone gets to have their opinion but at the end of the day its the artist who truly knows and feels what the piece was all about. My photo was my therapy and it really helped. It was a bad day, the photo is depressing but the tears washed away the pain and brought a smile to my face and that makes it beautiful to me....

Day 77-In Sadness

1 comment:

Tanya said...

Sorry to hear about the loss of those photos - I wonder if the heat of the fire caused it to overheat at some point and then the change in temperature to something cooler later had an impact. So frustrating!